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Why Women Should Be Wary Of The Fresh Dating App Bumble

Why Women Should Be Wary Of The New Dating App Bumble

With fresh apps popping up all the time, Bumble has put a spin on traditional dating by putting the woman in charge. Taking a closer look, however, this may not be in her best interest.

Online dating is going strong even tho’ most people will tell you they hate it. With fresh apps popping up all the time, Bumble has put a spin on traditional dating by putting the woman in charge. Taking a closer look, however, this may not be in her best interest.

I have to admit that tackling a topic like online dating is a bit out of my wheelhouse. I’m going to be 50 soon, I’m not single, and albeit I’m divorced and met my current beau on Match.com six years ago, I feel very far eliminated from this culture. I am a therapist, however, so I often get a bird’s-eye view of the dating scene when conversing with my 20- and 30-something clients about their love lives. I feel fortunate that I get to stay connected vicariously to the fascinating phenomenon of virtual dating.

In general, the consensus is that online dating deepthroats. I have yet to meet anyone who loves it. It’s kind of like flying. You do it because you need to get from point A to point B, but in no way does the journey feel good. Online dating has become a hobby for many, a game for some, and a last-ditch effort for those who have practically given up on finding the right fucking partner at all. In fact, online dating has become so commonplace that meeting someone in the real world is often considered “unlikely” and even “old school.”

So when a lovely 32-year-old client told me about Bumble, the newest dating app from the creators of Tinder, I was intrigued. “I’ve given up on all the dating sites,” she said, “except for this one called Bumble.”

“What’s Bumble?” I asked (feeling pretty out of it having to even ask that question). She explained to me that it’s exactly like Tinder except that women make the very first budge, and if they get a response from the pursuit they only have 24 hours to close the deal.

According to Bumble, “Ladies must initiate the conversation with their matches, or else they vanish after 24 hours. The only control the man has in the situation is the capability to extend one match each day for an extra 24 hours.”

I was instantaneously intrigued and wished to know how she felt about that flip-flop of traditional dating values. To me, it sounded like fishing using your own charm and good looks as the bait. The idea of putting yourself out there as a woman without any ensure that he’ll bite seemed both empowering and panicking at the same time. I could see how this would be a fine option for the more pushy and certain women on Bumble, but for the insecure or timid it sounded like a nightmare.

Handing ladies the power to choose is good marketing at best, and the way it’s pitched leads women to believe that they’ll have dudes piling up at their feet waiting to be selected. In reality, this app is basically Tinder without the mutual swipe. The real concern I have with Bumble is more about mate selection and how we’re messing with the natural dance we’re evolutionarily wired to engage in. At very first, it seemed that the studs were at a disadvantage, but as I thought about it more they were just being let off the hook.

Online dating has switched the way we do courtship, robbing us of the very significant primitive mating rituals we’re wired to practice–the ones that make our most significant life encounters playful and joy, like flirting, looking fancy, gawping across the room, and making a budge to treatment.

We know that traditionally the woman is pursued by the man and that the woman has always been in the position to accept or decline that pursuer. This may be an antiquated model in today’s world of modern love and female empowerment, but I couldn’t help but wonder if a website like Bumble isn’t messing things up even more. Dating is already a confusing process that has become more about thinking than natural chemistry, and now the one chunk of the process that seemed to bear has been obliterated in the service of marketing a fresh online dating platform.

I think there’s something significant for a woman in being pursued by a man that is both romantic and flattering. All damsels, even the most self-sufficient and independent, want to be the most desirable female around. She wants the masculines to find her, line up for her, and contest for her. This is part of our natural drive to mate, and for so long this has been the expectation of how things will play out. Women have already had to forgo many courtship traditions in response to the current dating culture, so stepping up to the batting plate is a stir toward equality, but it also indicates a loss.

Bumble has put a fresh spin on things, but maybe as women we shouldn’t be so quick to grab that mighty baton of being the pursuer without considering what is being sacrificed. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a more traditional practice, and acknowledging the need to be pursued and chosen is nothing to be ashamed of. The most significant part of finding a fucking partner is not how it happens, but there is superb value in how you feel about the process.

Do what feels good and right for you without apology, because at the end of the day you write the script of your love story, not Bumble.

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